6 Tips To Become An Intentional Parent

6 Tips To Become An Intentional Parent

Just as with everything we want to be better at, we need to be intentional and couscous about it. Parenting is no exception. These are my 6 tips to achieving intentional parenting.

1. What skills and traits do you want your children to know and understand?

Ponder over what you want your children to know, to understand, and never doubt now and in the future. This is an important step for intentional parenting since these things will be the goals to strive for, and your parenting will be your way to help you get there. 

For example, things that I want my children to know and never doubt is that they are loved unconditionally, being emotionally intelligent and being open and understanding of others indifferent to their skin color, religion, gender, languages, habits and so on. 

2. How do you want to raise your children?

How to parent is your way to teach those skills and attributes in the first step. How you parent is what constitutes the atmosphere in the family, it’s what happens between the lines. If it’s respectful, responsive, and gentle you’ll notice it’ll foster cooperation and willingness to help. If you turn to punishment and coercive methods you’ll end up with a struggle to focus on your intentional goals. In other words, to reach these goals how to parent should be your top priority. 

child and daughter

3. How were you raised?

This is an important question. In the clients I meet I see a pattern, many of the parents have been raised by authoritarian parents with high demands, much punishment, bribes, and coldness come to me with a wish to parent gently but keep resorting to the same techniques and methods used by their parents. We’ve grown up watching and experiencing a set of parenting techniques, so naturally that is what we know and are accustomed to. That doesn’t mean we want to parent that way. Many promise themselves never to repeat their parents’ mistakes. They try really hard to parent differently, but when tired, frustrated, or angry, resort to the same parenting they’d promised never to do. When this is the case, what we’ve learned from our own childhood is what not to do but not what actually to do. So take a look and write down what you think was good from your childhood and what was not. You’ll need to focus more on the things you don’t want to repeat since you’re more inclined to repeat them.  

child and daughter

4. If possible, agree with your partner

 If it’s possible, agree with your partner what to strive for and do this together. It’s always easier to be two and have someone to support you and remind you. If you’re a single parent or if you and your partner aren’t on the same page, it will be harder, but it’s still absolutely doable.

5. Make a SMART plan

Now you know what you’re striving for, how you want to strive for it, and identified struggles along the way. It’s time to set up smart goals that stand for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Based. To structure a goal, this way makes it easier to achieve it. Remember, these goals will always change since our children’s needs and knowledge keep developing just our role as parents, and we will face new situations and questions along the way.

I’ve already written a whole blog post about creating parenting goals, so head over to download a pre-created document to write down your goals.

6. My last tip is always to be open for mistakes and new ways to learn

Parenting cannot be stagnant, therefore adopt a mindset always to be open to new ways to learn, mistakes you might have done, to your children, and their feedback to you. Review what you’ve done and adjust and find new solutions if necessary.

If you need clarity and help in your way to be intentional parenting, my first parenting coaching session is always free for all new clients. Book your spot here. 

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