To feel disappointed in your child’s gender

“As long as the baby is healthy I’m happy” is something you often hear but actually isn’t always the truth. Not being happy for a healthy baby is as taboo as it can be.

First and foremost I want to clarify that being disappointed in a child’s gender doesn’t mean you don’t love and appreciate your child. These are two entirely different things and shouldn’t be mixed up. The second thing to clarify is that being disappointed in your child’s gender has nothing to do with being privileged or not valuing or understanding others that might struggle with even having children at all. You can be disappointed with your child’s gender and understand others struggles.

Disappointment is a result of unmet expectations, realistic or unrealistic. When you’re disappointed you are struggling to let go of the dream you have. This is real and nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately, this taboo often comes with a lot of guilt and shame not being happy with a healthy baby. But you need to know this is as common as chimpanzees eat bananas!

To tackle your disappointment:

  1. Acknowledge the feelings you have, don’t judge or value them, just acknowledge them. Their neither good or bad, just feelings.
  2. Try to pinpoint what you feel disappointed about.
  3. Give yourself time to mourn and grief the dream that didn’t become reality.
  4. Ponder about the possibilities you’ll have with your child and focus on having fun together.